Real realtionships happen when two imperfect people find something in the other person that causes them to want to go deeper, become better and experience more than they could alone. But that’s just the point, we are all conflicted people. We want the good feelings that come from relationships but we don’t want to put in the work it takes to get there. It’s called ambivalence and it is an entirely human condition often characterized by this statement, “opposites attract and then they attack”. Yes, that’s right we are attracted to something in the other person that is not like us. That something attracts us like nothing else and causes to say, “I’ve got to have that!” But when we get it the excitement wears off and the difference that we were so attracted to begins to become an irritation. So instead of celebrating the difference, we want to tamp it down and get them to be more normal – like us.
But real growth happens when we choose to celebrate the unique (and sometimes weird) in the other person and integrate their lives into ours. We then become more than we could possibly be without them. It’s a humbling process where we are continually challenged to love at our deepest level.
I admit this is hard – I’m just as addicted to my “comfort zones” as you are. I hate it when I have to put aside my cherished ways and accept that there may be different way of looking at the world.
But that’s how we grow, pushing past our limiting insecurities to become the best version of ourselves.
Sounds great but can anyone do that?
Try this, instead of focusing on the differences as a problem, focus on the difference in a positive way.
- Are they not talkative? They're a deep thinker.
- Do they take a lot of time getting ready? Call them fashion aware.
- Do they talk too much? Call them socially adept.
- Do they worry about money? Call them financially responsible.
We really do have a choice of what we focus on and what we focus on will determine the level of happiness we experience in our relationships.
We always welcome your comments and thoughts … let’s grow together!