You Deserve A Healthy Relationship..........So Where did it go wrong?
In our counseling practice, we often meet with clients who have experienced multiple failed relationships and who seek guidance to try to “fix” the problem. After they share their painful and frustrating relationship failures We will ask , “So what do all these relationships have in common?” At this point, a blank stare usually replaces their tears and then a spark of awareness comes over them as they say – "me". Years of research indicates that when we have a healthy relationship with ourselves we will attract and nurture healthy relationships with others. Or as some wise sage once said, “hockey players date hockey players” - meaning we inter into relationships with those who see us as we see ourselves.
Yes, we are the one constant in all our relationships. Therefore if we want our relationships to be richer, deeper and more fulfilling we must begin looking at the relationship we have with ourselves. So the million dollar question - What can we do to build healthier more intimate relationships?
1. Know yourself and become self-aware:
How well do you know you - your strengths, your challenges, your passions, your dreams? What brings you happiness or what fills your eyes with tears? Take a journey of self-discovery because it is only when we truly know who we are deep inside that we are able to share this unique and beautiful self with another and build a truly intimate and dynamic relationship.
2. Accept yourself:
This does not mean that you think you’re perfect nor need to be. It means that you are comfortable in your own skin (warts and all). If you are unable to see and accept the beauty within yourself first then it will be very difficult to accept the respect and admiration from another, fracturing the basis for a healthy relationship.
3. Commit to growing:
Relationships are never static they are either growing or dying. This is also true of the relationship you have with yourself. It is fun to be in a relationship with someone who is growing and expanding – emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and / or relationally- is that you? Challenge yourself to explore new wonderments - be more interested and you will become more interesting.
4. Become Transparent and Authentic
Being transparent and authentic requires that we place a higher value on our own opinion of ourselves then we do on other’s opinions of us. If we derive our self-esteem from the judgment of others then we will conform ourselves to what we think others will accept and admire and hide behind this façade – never really allowing others to know us. Eventually those closest to us see through the facade and may feel deceived creating trust issues. So start every relationship being the true you - if someone doesn't like the authentic you they are not the one you want to invest in.
5. Love yourself
Loving yourself means that you are committing to becoming the best you can possibly be. It is not narcissistic because when we truly love ourselves it increases our ability to love others. Those who possess a healthy self-love are not at war with themselves and able to look outside themselves with empathy. When we love ourselves we are able to give the best of ourselves to others without fear of being overwhelmed, consumed or oppressed. This is because those with self-love have healthy boundaries and employ good self-care. Therefore they are attracted to, enter into, and maintain good relationships.
Due to our human nature no one gets through this life without bumps, bruises, and a few scars. We all, at times, need to step back and reflect on who we really are and who we really desire to become. We invite you to experience the "self-reflecting" 10 Day journey of Self Love. Check out this thought provoking book and learn how to have your best relationship with YOU. Click Link Below and Start Your Journey TODAY
Do you have a story of how "Self Love" changed your relationships with others. We would love to hear it..... Please send to firstname.lastname@example.org. All stories remain confidential.