"Talking To The Hand" Doesn't Work - And Here's Why

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Ever get hurt by what someone said or did so badly that you close down and stop communicating? It’s a bit like touching a hot stove and then quickly withdrawing your hand because, as we all know, only crazy people would leave their hand on a hot stove, right?

That’s exactly what I’m going to propose you do.

Of course, I’m not talking about a hot stove – I am talking about the courage to find insight when you’re emotionally triggered.  For many of us, our “knee-jerk” reaction to being hurt is to pull away and become silent. This causes the other person to either press for a response or withdraw wondering, “what just happened here?”.

The bottom line is that nothing gets better when we choose the tactic of; "talk to the hand 'cause the face ain't listening". The argument may blow over and the status quo return but the next time you touch the “hot stove” the pain returns and this time it brings with it the accumulated unresolved hurt from past injuries.

 John Gottman, the founder of the renown Gottman Marriage Therapy, calls this stonewalling and lists this approach to conflict as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and a major factor in failing relationships.

But like most relational patterns it is difficult to break because it feels like we’re preserving our life but in actuality we are draining the life out of our relationships. Getting hurt is inevitable. Relationships always trigger emotional wounds and the closer the relationship the deeper the hurt.  But relationships also provide us the greatest opportunity for finding  healing for these wounds, if we don't run away from the conflict.

You want me to do what? Can’t you see that everything inside of me says to run?

It is exactly for that reason we must stay in the relationship and find healing. That pain you are feeling is a giant neon sign pointing to the place of your brokenness. Relationships have a way of pointing us to these places – what we do with this pain will determine whether we find wholeness or remain broken.

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Stonewalling keeps us stuck in our unresolved, and unhealed wounds

Next time you experience a painful encounter in your relationship, instead of pulling away try creating a new healing pattern. Here are some steps that may help.

  1. Don’t engage when you’re emotionally distraught. This condition is called being “flooded” and it is impossible for you to have a rational conversation because your brain is “flooded” with chemicals from your sympathetic nervous system. Check your heartbeat, if it is racing over 100 beats per minute (80 if you are athletic) then take 20 minutes and breathe until you can return to a calm emotional state.
  2. When you do speak about your hurt, start gently and use only I statements. Talk about how you feel not about how they “made you feel”.
  3. Avoid criticism at all costs. When we criticize we are giving up responsibility for your own feelings and blame the other person for our reaction. This will only create defensiveness in the other person and dis-empower you.
  4. Look for deeper causes for your pain. Ask yourself some probing questions:
  • Why am I so disturbed by this?
  • Does this feel similar to something from my past?
  • How does it affect the way I see myself?

If the knot is too tight for you to untie consider getting professional help - don't stay stuck in your unresolved pain. Life is too short for that!

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5 Healthy Habits You Can't Live Without

REGARDLES OF AGE

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Although some chronic illnesses are genetic, many debilitating ones are caused by lifestyle choices.  Poor lifestyle choices, such as smoking, overuse of alcohol, poor diet, lack of physical activity and inadequate relief of chronic stress are key contributors in the development and progression of preventable chronic diseases, including obesity, type 2 diabetes mellitus, hypertension, cardiovascular disease and several types of cancer. 

The challenge with lifestyle health issues is that they can be extremely difficult to turn around.  At Total Wellness Resource Centerwe see many individuals who desire change but will attempt to change everything all at once, which is extremely difficult to accomplish - especially if trying this on their own. As a result, they often feel overwhelmed and quickly return to the comfort of their old habits.  But the good news is, healthy lifestyle modifications are possible with appropriate interventions, which include nutritional counseling, exercise training, and stress management techniques to improve outcomes for patients at risk and those who already have common chronic diseases.  Even though  Medical studies show that adults with common chronic conditions who participate in comprehensive lifestyle modification programs experience rapid, significant, clinically meaningful and sustainable improvements in biometric, laboratory and psychosocial outcomes. Not everybody body is willing or able to join such programs, so we encourage you to begin by taking baby steps - one habit at a time.  

5 HEALTHY HABITS

1. Start Your Day Out with  a Healthy Breakfast 

It sounds so flippant to make this step the number one health habit, but scientific studies show us that the way we start our day can effect every minute that follows.  Starting each morning with whole healthy nutrition is like screaming from a mountain top, "I value me and am worth investing in.Not to mention the impact of fueling your brain and body to operate at optimum performance.  

2. Breathe .  Yes, I said Breathe. 

Did you know that by practicing deep breathing meditation for 5 minutes a day you can improve your longevity?    Harvard Medical School neuroscientist Dr. Sara Lazur and her team conducted a study which showed that meditation changes the brain after only eight weeks. A scanned image showed increased thickening of four brain regions in the non-meditators after just eight weeks of participating in the meditation program.

3.. Drink plenty of water. 

Something as simple as drinking plenty of water can have life-changing health benefits.  The human body is made up of between 55-75% water so imagine the effects of limited water intake.  I tell my clients to visualize a plant that hasn't been watered properly for four weeks - now think of your body lacking adequate water for years.   Yes, we can experience so many benefits, such as Increases Energy & Relieves Fatigue, Promotes Weight Loss, Flushes Out Toxins, Improves Skin Complexion,  Maintains Regularity, Boosts Immune System, Natural Headache Remedy,  Prevents Cramps & Sprains, simply by drinking plenty of water. 

4. Get Active

Being active does not necessarily mean trips to the gym or heart pounding aerobic runs around the block.  But it can mean things as simple as choosing stairs over the elevator, standing vs. sitting,  parking a few parking spots further from the door.  Every extra step/stretch you do each day has benefits.  I have clients who choose to turn on the music while cleaning ( a faster beat can create faster movement resulting in more calorie burn)  the truth is we must keep moving if we want to keep moving.  It's Newton's first law of motion - sometimes referred to as the law of inertia. An object at rest stays at rest, and an object in motion stays in motion.   

 5. Sleep

As much as our body requires movement to stay healthy, it also requires time to rest and repair.  A group of experts from anatomy and physiology, as well as pediatrics, neurology, gerontology, and gynecology reached a consensus that most adults need 7- 9 hours a day ( varies from age group).  It has been proven that inadequate sleep effects weight, mental clarity, enhanced chronic illnesses, depression, and many other negative health factors.  By tying nutrition, exercise, and mental relaxation, you will see improvement on your ability to have a good nights sleep and your overall health.

Sounds pretty simple huh?  Well, unfortunately all change is hard and sustainable change can be even harder. We are committed to help sowe invite you to reach out to one of our health specialists to assist you with outlining your specific goals to get you started on your "Better Health - Better Life"  Journey.  YOU DESERVE IT 

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Is Gratitude the Cure for Anxiety?

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It is a fact that gratitude is a powerful way of reprograming our brains to enhance our emotions and improve our overall physical health. It is one of the keys to longevity and is creates powerful, life affirming relationships. When we are in a state of active gratitude we are less likely to be anxious, fearful, depressed or hopeless. We are also open to new perspectives and possibilities that are otherwise closed doors to us.

All this is a fact – proven over and over again through empirical studies. But still many of us find that gratitude eludes us. We struggle to remain positive in the face of so much that is negative in our world.

That is why I am here to say if you are waiting to be grateful until you “see” things to be grateful for then you will never experience the life altering effects of gratitude.

Gratitude is a discipline we must learn – it does not happen naturally. If you want the positive properties of gratitude you are going to need to work at it. And make no mistake, it is work because your brain is trained to focus upon whatever it perceives as danger – even when the danger is not even a remote possibility. That riot in the south, that shooting in New York, that famine in North Africa are all terrible events but they pose no danger to you – but a part of your brain doesn’t know that. So it directs you to those news stories because it is trying to protect you, and in the process, you are being filled with worry, fear, and anxiety.  In fact, anxiety becomes our cultural norm. And we wonder why our lives are so unsettled and we carry this a vague sense of apprehension wherever we go.

The first step to developing a life of gratitude is to turn off the flood of negativity that you expose yourself to everyday. This does not mean that you become uninformed or ignorant of the world around you, but that you recognize the effect this information is having on you. Put the news in perspective and don’t let it become your reality. Did you know that according to all governmental measurements incidences of violence is down over the past years? In fact, there has been less killing and mayhem in the world than in previous generations. But you would never know that  by watching the news. That is because mayhem sells advertising. Media producers know your brain is constantly scanning for anything that could be remotely dangerous and given the choice of watching a video of riots in the streets or puppies playing in the water, guess what the vast majority of viewers will watch?

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Be careful what you focus on for it is what you will become.

So limit your exposure to horrid, evil, vile and cruel information. You cannot change the situation but exposure to it will change you. If you must watch it then be aware of how it will affect you and determine to do something to engage in the situation in a positive way. In that way, you become active in bringing hope and healing to a situation rather than it bringing anxiety and fear into your life.   

Second Step: Learn to focus on what is good in your life and express thankfulness for it. This may be in the form of a gratitude list or just deciding periodically to find 10 things to be thankful for. Remember it is a discipline – it may be hard to turn your brain from the negative but you can do it if you want to. The benefits are amazing!

For the past couple of years, I have made it a habit of keeping a positive life-affirming journal. It has transformed my life and been part of the healing process from a lifelong tendency toward depression. I encourage you to try it. But even if journaling is not your thing find a way to make gratitude a daily discipline.

As always if there is anything we can do for you please don’t hesitate to reach out to us.

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Find Your WHY and You Will Discover Your Purpose

Your Feet Are Not Glued to Your Current Path

Find Your Reason For Change

 

If you are like so many people, you've set out on a course in life only to discover down the road that you're not passionate about what you are doing. You're working, maybe you even have a "good" job, and from the outside looking in, it appears that you've got it made.

But you know within yourself that something's wrong. You're not happy. Going to work every day feels like a punishment. You can't wait to get off for the day, and you just dread the thought of going back the next day.

 STOP - It is time to identify what is creating your "self-defeating" paralysis. 

 There's a myth that the course you set out on in life is your forever path. People change. What you thought was going to be a sure thing back when you were younger can be different today because you're different. You’ve grown and matured.  Maybe you see things that you don’t like about your career, or maybe you don’t like the path you are on as a whole.  Don't be the one of many who ends up trudging to work every day stuck in the life that you can't stand. 

What you do with your life should reflect what you love - within your passion lies your purpose
— Unknown

Just know that if you have been unhappy in your job for a period of time the unhappiness will bleed into every corner of your being: mental health, physical health, financial, and all relationships.  

GREAT NEWS: 

YOU CAN MAKE CHANGES AT ANY STAGE OF YOUR LIFE AND FIND PERSONAL SATISFACTION AND HAPPINESS

It just takes the willingness to step out of your comfort zone and discover your WHY.

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What is your "WHY"?  It is your passion, your dream,  your reason behind your actions. 

If you don’t have a strong REASON behind your actions, your actions are less likely to create worthwhile results.

BUT ... If you have a strong “WHY” you have all the FUEL you need to drive you forward – to find your freedom, to live your dream, and to fulfill your purpose

You see if you don’t know what your why is, if you don’t know what DRIVES you, what INSPIRES you, then you have NO REASON to improve your life as you know it.  Seriously, why would you try to improve your life if you have no REASON for change?  So ask yourself these hard questions, 

  • Why do I exist?
  • Why am I unique from everyone else?
  • Why do I wake up and get out of bed each morning? 

Is your WHY your family? Is it to prove the doubters wrong? Is it to change your corner of the world? Or is it to fulfill what you have been called to do by a higher power?  Regardless of what your WHY is - it is critical to find it and claim it.  

So, What is your Why?

Write it down and carry it with you everywhere, FEEL IT DEEPLY, and promise yourself everyday you WILL live out your WHY with NO EXCUSES!

 Once you know your why - It is time for action.  Take the next crucial step to understanding the "WHAT"  

  • What legacy do I want to leave behind?
  • What does my current support system look like? If you are being weighed down by negative, toxic nay-sayers, it is time to kick them to the curb.  
  • What is my life mission statement?
  • What actions do I need to take in order to accomplish my mission?
  • What time frame will I need  to accomplish each task?
  • What measurable will I use to monitor my progress? 
  • What motivation strategy will I use?

 And finally - 

  •  What will I do with all my new found freedom and happiness?  

It is hard to make changes.  In fact,  it can be down right overwhelming,  but when you discover and live out your "WHY" the benefit outweighs the risk every time.  If you are feeling stuck I would love to help you move forward.   You deserve it! 

Sign up below for your 1-hour FREE  Discovery Session

value $250.00. 

Limited slots available so sign up Today.  

 

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Cheri Tillman

 

 

Executive Director Co-founder MBA, CLC, CWNC

What I Learned About Relationships From Walter - My Rescue Dog.

LOVE DOESN'T HAVE TO STINK ......

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Wonderful Walter 2017

This is Walter – he is a 105 pound Rotty/Shepherd that we adopted from a local rescue, Whiskers and Tails in Rancho Palos Verdes, CA.  We quickly learned he loves to chase squirrels and eat all insects that fly -  including wasps. In fact,  he has a little Ninja that makes up his unique quirky personality.  When it gets dark he loves to patrol the back yard protecting us from … well only he knows and he’s sworn to the Ninja code of silence.

The other night he was patrolling the perimeter and we heard an unusual commotion so I ran out to see what was happening. It didn't take long to figure out what was going on because within less than a second I smelled it …... A SKUNK.   Yes, an unsuspecting Walter had come face to face....well, not exactly face to face but you get the picture, of the smelly works delivered by Mr. Skunk.

Quickly into the bathtub (ever bathed a stinky 100-pound dog 10:30 at night?).  We quickly surfed the internet for the "magic" formula to remove skunk odor and found a website that "guaranteed" the homemade solution would work.  My wife started mixing the potion and I got to work on Walter.  One hour later we had a 100 pound dog that reeked of wet fur and skunk wildly running through the house.   It has now been over a week and guess what – Walter still stinks. And not only Walter but whatever Walter touched smells too!

So now I can hear you thinking … “so sorry for Walter but what the heck does that have to do with relationships?”

Thank you for asking. 

Sometimes the stink from a fight, a careless word, or thoughtless action can stink up a relationship for days, weeks or even years. It often only takes a small thing for that odor to arise and stink up our relationship all over again. I admit it’s hard to remove the odor of a hurt. The pain lingers long like Walter’s smell. But unlike poor Walter, we actually have a choice how long we will allow our relationships to be polluted by these things.

After all who wants to smell bad to their partner?

Here are four steps you can take.

  1. Admit that you were hurt: Sometimes our pride gets in the way of our healing. We think we shouldn’t feel what we’re feeling so we go into denial mode but in reality, we’re just allowing the wound to infect other areas of our lives.
  2.  Forgive: Forgiveness is a unilateral is a gift we give to ourselves so that we don’t carry the heavy burden of resentment and anger throughout our life. Forgiveness does not mean that you minimize the wound – only that you choose to heal.
  3. Reconcile: If possible share with your partner how you were hurt and attempt to find a new way of relating to each other. Keep in mind that this requires that you both be willing to see each other’s perspective to get beneath the surface. In every harmful human interaction, there is always something deeper that is causing it. When this is understood it will change the whole dynamic of the relationship and create an opportunity for healing and avoiding entering back into the conflict.
  4. Let it go: Yes, we can also choose to let go of whatever it was that is stinking up our relationships. This means refusing to bring it up … ever!

Walter is smelling much better now, okay, he still smells like a dog but not like a skunk. The real question is what do you and I smell like? 

If this is helpful (I hope) please share it and become a subscriber. We promise we won't "stink" up your inbox. :-)

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Harmed by Your Past? Five Steps to Start Healing.

WHEN OUR PAST GETS IN THE WAY OF OUR FUTURE.....IT IS TIME TO ADDRESS IT HEAD ON..

As a therapist, my job is to help people get unstuck from their problems and overcome the obstacles in their lives, and contrary to the prevailing belief, I do not enjoy talking about my client’s mothers. But I do have a passion for people experiencing freedom and joy in their lives so this is what I tell my clients:

When our past gets into our future we need to deal with it.

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Is your past in the way of  your future? 

The truth is, our past always gets into our future. Some of us were blessed with parents, teachers, and mentors that spoke into us beautiful life affirming truths that empower us to live full and prosperous lives. This is a positive example of having our past affect our future.

However, some of us did not get that kind of input when we were young. We were fed on a diet of lies and treated in a way that hindered our development. This is when we need to talk about mothers, as well as other influential people and experiences from our past.

But how do we know if our past is hanging us up? It’s not as if our parents are going to come to us and say; “you know that thing I said about you when you were five, I was wrong!” No, they are probably just as unconscious about how they injured you as you are about how you were injured. These kinds of wounds rarely reveal themselves plainly so they can be understood and dealt with. Rather, they stealthily sabotage our relationships, careers and emotional well-being. Sometimes we need to look backward to go forward.

So how do you know when you need to look backward to go forward? Here are some clues.

  • You have a recurring argument with your spouse that never resolves
  • You have an over reaction to something someone said or did.
  • You are anxious, depressed or fearful for no good reason
  • You can’t find the motivation to do the things you want to do

These are some symptoms of having a harmful past.  If so, here are five things you can do about it.

  1. Become aware: Don’t dismiss unexplained emotions or irrational feelings just because they are uncomfortable.
  2. Challenge the status quo: Our childhood experiences and programming often becomes our “dysfunctional normal”.  Challenge what is not working in your life.
  3. Ask yourself this question: What belief is at the core of this feeling or circumstance?
  4. Seek help: We often can’t see what we can’t see, a third party perspective can break us out this.
  5. Don’t give up: Replacing past harmful programming is often a long, slow process. Most of us have been living with these lies for years – they aren’t going to give up their stranglehold on us easily. Be persistent. What your mind learned it can also unlearn.

There is freedom if you choose to be courageous in seeking it. You’ve only got one life. Don’t let someone or something from your past keep you from living it to the fullest

 

With Love, 

James

If you are looking for a way to jump start feeling better about yourself. Check out

10 Days Toward Learning to Love Yourself. 

How Not to Compliment Your Wife

I have seen a great many men go down in flames by answering seemingly simple innocuous questions answered poorly.

Okay, here are the absolutel worse ways you can answer these questions …

“Does this dress make me look fat?”

No, you look fat without it

“Do you think I lost a few pounds?

Nope … there they are on your hips

“Do you think I’m still pretty?”

Pretty what?

“What do you think of my new hair style?”

What new hair style?

All of these questions are like IEDs and have the potential to blow you up if answered wrong. And obviously, I gave you the worse possible answers … but most of us have answered these questions with best intentions and still got blasted to smithereens. What are we doing wrong?

We live in an externally focused culture that prizes form over substance external beauty over inward character. We would rather look good than be good.

When our focus on the externals these questions take on greater significance because our love and acceptance have been made contingent on our partner’s looks. When that happens we are in a losing battle against time and the inevitable comparisons with other younger, and more externally attractive people.  

So, do you quit complimenting your spouse and never tell them that they are beautiful?

No, not if you want to stay happily married. Partners need to be attractive to one another – it’s in our DNA. But external attractiveness must not be the basis for our attraction to our spouse. We must base our attraction on something much deeper and more sustainable.

Physical beauty can only be maintained for a few years before the inevitable effects of time begin to show. That is why, if we want to be in love for a lifetime, we must focus our attention on what time can not diminish but can only improve – our character.

Men, if you are only complimenting your wives on their looks and continually making comments about other woman’s looks guess what they will think is important to you? That’s right, how they look. So what happens when the wrinkles begin to show and the gray hair begins to appear? They will believe they are losing value in your eyes. If you think this is ridiculous then just take a look at what she is spending on beauty supplies. She is not doing that primarily for others but for you!

The 5/1 Rule

Should you totally quit complimenting her on her looks? No, rather, I propose implementing the 5/1 rule.

For every one compliment you make on her looks you make five on her character? Why? Because character trumps beauty every time! Here’s why –

  • Beauty is a result of youth and good genes – character is a consequence of good choices and godly priorities
  • Beauty fades over time – character shines over time
  • Beauty is fueled by vanity – character is fueled by integrity
  • Beauty is temporary – character is eternal

Fall in love with your partner's character and their external beauty will become irrelevant. And in the years to come, you will be blessed beyond measure by the inner beauty of your spouse and see her for what she truly is - a glorious gift.

Here are five character compliments to get you started (I challenge you to come up with your own originals.)

  • Thank you for being so faithful I can always count on you.
  • You have such a beautiful loving spirit, I love the way you reach out to those in need.
  • I can see your kindness and patience with the children and me and I really appreciate 
  • I love that you are so tender and empathize with others pain
  • You have perseverance – even through the worse of our trials. You just never give up!

Try these out and see how it brings life into your relationship!

As always if there’s ever anything I can do to help you don’t hesitate to reach out.

Love you;

James

One Thing Which Can Make Your Life Successful

I know that my title seems a bit over the top, but I am tired of talking about creating successful strategies to people who have absolutely no capacity to put them to action. So, I’m going to get really basic and real simple.

What you believe about yourself and the universe are the most crucial pieces of knowledge you will ever possess. They are the common denominators in all events, relationships, and goals in your life.

  • Overcoming failures is completely dependent on your view of yourself
  • Pushing through trials and enduring through prolonged times of frustration is a factor of how you see yourself.
  • Your level of satisfaction with living is dependant upon understanding yourself in context to the universe

Yet, I find so few of us really comprehend this fact. Instead, we are continually looking to other people or circumstances as the arbitrator for our lives.

When something bad happens. (and it happens to everyone)

  • Some resign themselves to their fate and give up
  • Some see it as an insurmountable obstacle and choose a lesser path
  • Some see it as a temporary setback and press on

The only difference in these responses in how one sees themselves and what they believe about the universe.

Your view of yourself is a consequence of how you view the universe.

I have had the privilege of traveling the world and in some places, I have seen unimaginable suffering. When asked why this is so the answer I receive is something like this, “it is their fate”.

  • Karma
  • God
  • The random nature of the universe

It all comes down to whether the universe is cooperating with or in opposition to our success. This will determine whether we have the internal resources to achieve the life we desire to live. If that answer is our lives are under the control of some external force then the next logical step is to forfeit our dreams and abandon our hopes because we are powerless to achieve them.

Some would challenge me on this and say, “You’re a Christian – aren’t you a fatalist?

I say no. In fact, it is entirely the contrary. Since I believe in a supreme being who has demonstrated his great love and compassion through the life of Jesus Christ I am convinced that the universe is not an obstacle to my happiness - that I have the ultimate victory no matter what circumstance or peril I may find myself in. In fact the present obstacles serve a tutors to mold my character and deepen my faith. Therefore no person, no event and nothing else in this world can thwart my inevitable triumph as promised by God.

So you see – my self-confidence is derived from my view of a good and loving God and anything and everything must yield to this truth. Therefore ...

  • When I become discouraged I return to the belief that God is my helper and he has and will provide all that I need.
  • When I am doubting my own wisdom he has said that I can come to him with any question and he will give me understanding.
  • When I am feeling alone and rejected he has said that I am unconditionally loved
  • When I am disbelieving my own value he reminds me that he died for me and I have infinite worth.

What other religion, philosophy, or world view can offer this confidence?

So the bottom line is this.

As goes your view of the universe so goes your view of yourself.

As goes your view of yourself so goes your life.

Next time you feel stymied by a situation in your life or paralyzed by debilitating emotions look to where your confidence lies. Look at your view of God and integrate that view into your identity. 

If I can be of any help you to you don't hesitate to reach out

James

Dare to Live After 50

 "Live and Inspire"  simply by changing your mindset

At some point in time, we all succumb to it - getting stuck in a life rut.  As we age we start finding comfort in familiarity.  Before we know it one day starts looking like the next and the next.  We’re programmed to believe that if we haven’t achieved a dream by a certain age we may as well give up. Well, I’m here to tell you that this is a myth - we are capable of bigger and better as life goes on.  As a life coach, I see many of my clients avoid risk at all cost due to an overwhelming fear of looking foolish or worse yet - failure. But no one said it better than the author of Harry Potter when she said,  

"It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default" J. K. Rowling

As we age there are certain words, thoughts, and images that move into the crevices of our mind and take hold like a squatter in an abandoned building. You know the ones I am talking about -  "I am too old to try that - I should have started when I was younger - that is too risky - I am simply too tired".  

If your brain is cluttered with these self-defeating thoughts then its time to get your dust mop out along a bucket of bleach and start cleaning out those undeserving squatters that are robbing you of your life.  

You are too valuable to limit your dreams regardless of age.  Each day that you have been given has a purpose.  I am not claiming to know each and everyone's purpose but I am pretty sure it isn't to eat another box of bonbons while you watch the world go by outside your window.  

So regardless if you are 50 - 90 or beyond I invite you to reclaim your dream, take action, and embrace the joy of fully living your life just as James Arruda Henry did when at the age of 98 he became a first-time author after 91 years of illiteracy. Or the 2-time cancer survivor, Harriett Thompson, who took up running in her 70's and just broke the all time record for finishing the San Diego marathon in 7 hours at the age of 94. 

Sign Up Today  for the Dare to Live After 50 Newsletter and begin your mindset  to experiencing unlimited youth.  

 

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Remember, your age is not a number on a calendar but rather a mindset. 

Is Your "Hair" Hindering Your Happiness

Letting Go of Your Obsession

I am a cleaner … I like things clean. But compared to my wife I am a rank amateur! She cleans things like the top of door frames. (Who does that?) And when she’s done the house smells of bleach (Her cleaning weapon of choice) When house cleaning time comes my assignment is the bathrooms. Don’t know why this is but I seem to have a gravitational pull toward the toilet. In fact, in a former life, I received a mug award from Starbucks for my toilet cleaning prowess. And that would be fine with me but there is one thing, the bane of my cleaning existence, which I can’t seem to defeat. That one thing is hair!

My wife has an abundance of hair and we have a dog that never stops shedding. So I get the white porcelain spotless, I have floors gleaming and I step back to survey my handiwork. Bam! I spot it, strands of hair casually draping themselves on the toilet seat giving me that “you can’t get me” look! So I take out my rag prepare to do battle when I notice that my rag has hair clinging to the fibers. So I go to wash the rag in the “clean” sink and bam! The hair attaches its self to the sink. At this point, I choose the surgical approach and pluck one by one the individual strands and when I do they seem to magnetically attach themselves to my fingers. So I shake my fingers violently over the trash can only to have them fly off and land again on the toilet seat. It’s discouraging and demotivating, after all, if I can’t get it really clean what’s the use?

Have I told you how much I hate hair? I am seriously considering a Shandade O’Connor/ Yule Brenner look in our home! 

Why do a few strands of hair bother me so much? The bathroom is 99.99% clean – so what’s up with this obsession with 100%?

Then, I think about the “few strands of hair” in other areas of my life that I may obsess about.  The areas that aren’t perfect and will likely never be perfect. Some of these strands  are the people around me. These “strands of hair” mostly consist of my desire for others to be, think or act a certain way. 

But most of these “strands” consist of my internal focus on the way I think I “should” be. You know what I’m talking about. I should be more disciplined, focused, social, productive and on and on and on. I am constantly finding strands of hair on the white porcelain of my soul and I can’t seem to pluck them off. That’s because they are always going to be there. For just as I have hair messes in the bathroom because I am a living breathing imperfect being who lives with other living breathing imperfect beings who produce hair!  We are always going to have areas in our lives that are messy.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t try to work on cleaning up the messes but when we fixate on the “strands of hair” in our lives we end up losing perspective and sacrificing our happiness because - perfection is impossible.

So I’m going to make a new resolution. I am going to celebrate the beautiful parts of my life and not fixate on the messy parts.  I am going to pluck the hairs when I see them but not obsess when they are not entirely eliminated. I am going to give myself grace and mercy and the confidence that life is a journey, not a destination.

Somehow, when I do this it gives me greater strength to deal with the messy parts and lifts the heavy load of expectations off my shoulders so I can truly enjoy the awesome beauty of this precious moment.

What “strands of hair” are you living with in your life? What things are you fixating on and making a condition for happiness? 

We would love to be a part of your journey toward Total Wellness. Let us know if we can help.

 

1 + 1 = 3 Plus Freedom!

Are You at the Mercy of Someone or Something?

I have never been comfortable with this phrase I hear so often when something negative happens in a person’s life.

“You (or it) made me feel …”

Whenever I hear it I want to say –

Me: So, how did they do it?

Them: Do what?

Me: Get into your brain?

Them: My brain?

Me: Did they get microscopic and crawl into your brain through your nose and make you feel that?

Them: You’re an idiot … what are you talking about

Me: You know the thing that made you feel the way you feel – just how did they make you feel that?

At this point I know exactly what would happen, the person would shake their head at me and just walk away. That’s because we’re very used to 1 + 1 equals two. In other words, when someone treats us badly we react to that in a logical sequential way, we respond with a predictable emotion. (anger, frustration, sadness, contempt etc.)

I know what you’re thinking, “what the heck James how am I supposed to act – happy?” Let me share a secret – we don’t need to have our circumstances define our actions we actually can choose to respond to our circumstances the way we want to – not the way the circumstance dictates to us.

By the way, until we learn to apply this truth we will forever be at the mercy of every person or circumstance that we experience because whatever happens to us will dictate our response.

But don’t take my word for it, this is a central theme in Scripture and the hallmark of a true follower of Christ.

To this, you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. ‘He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.’ When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
— 1 Peter 3: 21-23 NIV

I have never been beaten, scourged, spat upon, humiliated and then nailed to a cross but Jesus was and he was able to say, while he was hanging on the cross, “Father, forgive them, they do not know what they are doing”.

It may not seem like it, but we do have a choice on how we respond to trying situations. The choice is this; will I let the circumstance define me or will I define the circumstance? Will I follow the broad road of predictable and unremarkable response or will I take this as an opportunity to bring redemption and healing into this situation?

Ultimately, our response to trials, difficulties, insults and personal injustice will define who we are and what we believe. Jesus’ response on the cross was as a result of his “entrusting himself to him who judges rightly” and therefore was able to defy human logic and reveal his true character.

We can too. But first, we must stop making feeble excuses for ourselves and accept responsibility for our own reactions. We ultimately choose how to respond, we have the opportunity to act in a way that is contrary to the “norm”. This ability is given to every believer and when we do we are demonstrating the character of Christ in us.

And here’s another secret – It is almost always counter to our initial emotional response. It is not “natural” for us to be kind when we've been treated harshly or be loving when we’ve been rejected – it’s supernatural.

And that my friend is the gospel at work in us. A gospel the world longs to see.

Love you. 

This Report Will Make You Rethink the Reson You Crave Food

50 Suggestions to help you stop the craving cycle.  

 

Free Guide available at the end of this blog.  Take advantage of this offer and take control of your life.

Food cravings aren’t as simple as some may believe. People are often told to use willpower or simply stop eating certain foods. However, cravings are often rooted in psychological, physical, or emotional needs. The first step to curbing your cravings is to figuring out what causes them and then why you can’t control the urges.

Outside factors such as manufacturers and advertising media have an effect on cravings. Sugar, salt, and the carbohydrates in processed foods make you want more. However, these aren’t the only reasons cravings can grab you when you least expect them.

They can be the result of a lack in nutrients or the environment we live in. It could be stress, emotions or conditioning that makes us crave different foods.

Cravings can be harmful in several ways. Some of the more common problems include weight gain, which can lead to high blood pressure, stroke, or heart disease. Another harmful outcome of cravings is addiction. Foods like sugar, and anything that breaks down into sugar such as alcohol, can be addictive and very difficult to be without.

There is good news though. Cravings can be controlled with hard work and changes in your diet and habits.

For instance, if you normally eat lots of processed foods, begin cooking your own meals to help control the amount of sugar, salt, and fats. Take advantage of fresh herbs and spices to add more flavor to your meals. Filling up on savory healthy meals every three hours or so will help curb your cravings.

Control your environment and the people you associate with as well. If you have trouble saying no in social situations, you may need to find new activities.

In the end, curbing your cravings can help you lead a healthy lifestyle.

Interested in learning more about controlling your cravings?  Click the link below and I will send you your free guide with over 50 ways to control your cravings.  If you have additional questions about nutrition please feel free to contact meat (310) 416-4107 or Cheri@totalwellnesscenter.net

 

For your FREE Guide on how to stop cravings fill out the form below and I will send it to the email address of your choice.   Congratulations on taking control of your cravings and your life.* NOTE:  Please insert Curb Cravings into the Subject box so you receive the right materials

 

Name *
Name

 

 

5 Things Sabotaging Your Diet

Taking Control of Your Weight Once and For All

1. Medical issues

First of all, it is important to rule out any hidden reasons or medical issues that may be hindering your weight loss.  There are reasons, other than your food intake, that can interfere with your body's natural processing ability.  Such issues as; thyroid disease, autoimmune, gut problems, even toxin build up in your liver can sabotage your weight-loss goals. These issues need to be diagnosed and treated prior to starting any weight loss program. 

2. You use willpower instead of science to control your appetite

Willing yourself to starve your body of adequate nutrition/calories accomplish two things - ramps up your cravings and slows down your metabolism.  You may lose some weight but sadly this is not sustainable.  Eating plenty of the right foods actually stimulates weight-loss.  This is why it is important to know which foods are best for your body type, activity level, and lifestyle.  No one diet fits all regardless of what the marketing campaign says.  

3. You may not be eating enough fat

Yes, you read that right.  Science has proven that by increasing your intake of healthy fats you actually burn more fat. So all those fat-free packaged foods you have eaten may be to blame for some of your extra pounds.  Why? because most fat-free products (including low-fat dairy) is loaded up with extra sugar, and sugar is the enemy to weight loss and your overall health.   Beware of product packages that claim to be sugar-free.  Many of these products have added chemicals, artificial sugars, and sugar alcohol that can pack on the pounds. 

4. You try to do it on your own

Research shows that you have a 97% higher chance to succeed  "if " you have a buddy doing the weight loss program with you or you are working with a coach who keeps you focused and accountable. Solo dieting has only a 6 % success rate. If you don't have a buddy that wants to do the same program check online - there are plenty of free weight-loss groups you can join. 

5. You don't have a plan

This is the number one reason most weight loss programs fail.  Everyone who starts a new diet has great intentions of reaching their goal.  But regardless, if you're a newbie to nutrition or you are up to speed on the latest food science, if you don't have a plan you will fail.  No, I am not just talking about a meal plan but rather how you plan to juggle your busy life style and have time to prepare 3 meals plus a snack. It is common to master this for the first few days, maybe even weeks, but all too often it becomes too much and we fall back to the convenience of fast food or prepackaged foods only to gain the weight back. 

In order to help you avoid this all too common pitfall, I have created a guide to Healthy Meal Planning and Preparation.   This guide is packed with great ideas and tips to ensure you are equipped for success with any diet plan - and it is yours FREE. Simply Fill out the form below click submit and I will email you your copy. 

*Note:  Please put "Free Guide to Healthy Meal Plan and Prep in Subject line to ensure you are sent the correct eBook.

LEARN TO PLAN     PURCHASE     PREP     PREPARE

YOURS FREE

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If you have any questions regarding what diet is right for you - please don't hesitate to contact me at Cheri@totalwellnesscenter.net or call my office (310) 461-4107 

Stay Healthy 

This Article Will Rock Your Relationship

 6 principles that can put your relationship back on track

If you’ve been in a serious relationship for any length of time there will be times when you feel alone. But for some, the feelings of disconnection has become more the norm than the exception.

You may have made attempts to connect but they have failed to produce the closeness that you’re hoping for. The results of living in this kind of relationship will produce feelings of ...

  • Worthlessness – Why am I not important enough for you to connect with me?
  • Frustration – I’m tired of being the only one who cares about our relationship
  • Fear – I’m afraid this is going to lead to separation or divorce
  • Hopelessness – I don’t want to live this way and I don’t know what to do

When we get to this place of discouragement we don’t know where to turn, so we reach out to books, counselors or advisors for help. But our partner is comfortable with the status quo and refuses to participate. What can we do? Should we threaten them? Or should we get used to a less than fulfilling relationship? After all, a bad relationship is better than no relationship, right? We conclude, if they don’t want to change the way things are then there is nothing I can do.

Yes, in an ideal world, when both parties commit to making a change, growth comes quicker and easier but you and I know we don’t live in an ideal world. Often, only one person in the relationship is motivated to grow.

But a relationship can grow even if you’re the only one willing to work on it!

It’s not easy, it requires a willingness to look honestly at the way you are currently managing your relationship which really means that you need to be willing to change the way you see you’re your partner and even the way you view yourself. In short, it will take more than just learning a few communication techniques - it requires true transformation. And that is exactly why you should consider taking on this adventure, not simply because you want a better relationship but because you want to be a better you.

Below I have a link to a quick five question quiz to see if you are in the kind of relationship I have described. And if you are, I don’t want to leave you without offering a real chance to see the transformation happen. So take the quiz and then I’ll share a short video about a new six-week program designed just for those who want to grow in their relationship even when their partner is indifferent or resistant.

I sincerely hope you enjoy it … it is truly a labor of love that I hope and pray will help many transform their own lives and their relationships.

Crazy Fighting

Ever been in a fight with your partner and suddenly realized that you didn’t really know what the heck you were fighting about?

That’s because few people are truly aware of why they have such strong feelings about certain things. We think that the argument is about stuff like …

  • She spends too much money!
  • He doesn’t listen to me!
  • She never picks up after herself!
  • He never wants to go out and have fun!

There are all sorts of stories about people getting divorced for seemingly unimportant reasons. Here are two examples from a Reader’s Digest article entitled “12 Crazy-But-True Reasons People Filed for Divorce”

Rashida Lucas divorced her husband, T.P., because, as she said on national television, he was just "too nice." Chief among Lucas's grievances were that T.P. said "I love you" too much and that he was such a good cook that it had caused her to gain weight.

For one Japanese couple who had been married for six years, the movie Frozen was the deal-breaker. After watching it, he made the mistake of asking her, "Did you really think it was that good?" Well, apparently, she did, and the fact that he could even ask that question made her question what sort of person he was. And she couldn't seem to "let it go," moving out of their marital residence soon after.

So why the overreaction? Why do we get so crazy over things that are not “craze-worthy”?

It’s primarily because we are not in tune with our own emotions and instead look outside of ourselves for solutions that only internal examination can heal.  The term for this inward examination is emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence is the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.

It means that when we experience an emotion we are able to do three things:

  1. We are able to accurately define what we are feeling
  2. We are able to determine the true source of that feeling
  3. We are able to express the feeling in a healthy way

This isn’t easy folks, especially when we avoid self-examination.  But the truth is …

The unexamined life is not worth living
— Socrates

Some of us have been working a lifetime trying to master defining what we are feeling, understanding why we are feeling it and learning how to express those feelings in a way that doesn’t do harm to ourself and others. But until we do, resolving conflicts will always be a mystery because all we can do is make a vain attempt to control our environment and reduce whatever is triggering our emotional wounds. This means we either retreat from anything or anyone who causes us problems or we rigidly force our will upon them. Both strategies do not promote healthy relationships.  

And to a great extent, this is why we fail to resolve our arguments and why we keep having the same battle over and over again. We are really battling ourselves and until we discover that fact we are doomed to repeat it over and over again.

“WE HAVE MET THE ENEMY AND HE IS US.”
— Walt Kelly

Now, I’m not saying that we are the enemy – that attitude would be incredibly counterproductive. But what I am saying neither is your partner the enemy. The real enemy (if you must have one) is the unrecognized and unexamined emotional trigger that is empowering your arguments and making it so difficult to connect with your partner.

And that means we all need to take responsibility for our own emotional reactions and begin to develop the Emotional Intelligence to choose a different way of resolving our conflicts.

If we can ever be of help to you or you have questions about Building Real Relationships don’t hesitate to reach out to us.

This One Habit Will Change Everything!

I've Just Got To Share .....

When I come across something that is life changing I’ve just got to share it.

It is a simple thing but it will change the course of your life.  Don't get me wrong, simple does not mean easy – In fact, this may be one of the hardest things you ever learn to do. It could even take months to perfect … but it’s worth it.  So What is this "thing" I am talking about?

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR MIND

( I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T GOING TO BE EASY)

Take control of your mind every morning and make sure it is nourished with healthy, uplifting, inspiring and empowering food.  Yes, I mean every morning make this your first exercise.

Let me ask you, when you wake up in the morning where do your thoughts go? Do they start working on the agenda of the day? Maybe they rehash yesterday’s failures, or they may run into the future working out possible negative scenarios and worrying about upcoming events.

For many of us who struggle with anxiety or depression, these first morning thoughts set the stage for the rest of our day – and for the rest of our lives for that matter. But even if you aren’t prone to anxiety your first thoughts of the day are critical for giving you the ability to function effectively and efficiently throughout the day.

Bottom line – Don’t let your thoughts default to the problems of the day until they have had a healthy breakfast of empowering and inspirational nutriments.   I once heard someone say. "Put your pen down and stop trying to write the last chapter before the entire story unfolds".

But many of us are habitual negative thinkers, so much so that we don’t think we can change. But you can change – you can rewire your brain - your story,   you can create new neural networks and change the course of your life.

Here are some ways you can do it.

  • When you wake up, before you even get out of bed, grab a 3x5 card on your nightstand that has several morning affirmations and read them 5 times out loud.
  • Upon getting up, grab your hot tea or coffee and sit in a quiet place then read something inspirational, uplifting and empowering. If you’re not a reader listen to an inspirational message.  I personally like to read the Bible but you may want to find something else that inspires you.
  • Then journal your thoughts – make them positive! Speak to yourself like an inspirational coach even if you don’t feel it (ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON’T FEEL IT!)

I know some of you may have a hard time with this.  When we live with negativity for a long time it begins to feel like being positive is wrong. But please hear me on this – You need to stay ruthlessly positive until your negative thoughts begin to feel wrong and your positive thoughts begin to feel right. That’s the change we’re after and it takes time for the mind to process this new way of thinking.

I have 30 daily affirmations to kick start your new morning routine that I would love to send to you. Just send me an email at connect@totalwellnesscenter.net and I’ll send it to you immediately.

You can also check out our book- 10 Days of Loving Yourself

 

!0 Day of self love cover.jpg

As always we'd love to hear your feed-back.

 

Take Care and Be Kind To Yourself

Women are from Venus and Men …?

Maybe it’s me but the older I get the more I believe that there are bigger differences between men and women than I ever realized. This is especially true in the area of communication. Why is it so hard to talk to each other? We make a simple declarative statement but end up having to repeat it two or three times before it is heard and even then it is often misinterpreted.

Me: These are great burgers

Wife: What?

Me: These are great burgers

Wife: Great what?

Me: Burgers!

Wife: You need another?

Me: No, I’m just saying these are great burgers.

Wife: So you don’t want another

Me: Never mind

The person who wrote Men Are from Mars and Woman Are from Venus got the distances a little off. Women may be from Venus but men are from a planet called Zebaloon which is about 200 billion light years away from Venus.

So why are we not communicating? Are we growing hard of hearing? Or is something else happening?

This is my theory – when you’ve been with a person for a while you begin to take communication shortcuts. This could be because you think you know the other person so well that you can tell what they mean even if they don’t explicitly say it. We sometimes even finish their sentences for them. Occasionally this works but a whole lot of the time it can end up creating misunderstandings that hurt one another.

Another reason we slip into this pattern is we become lazy. It’s a lot of work to maintain a real relationship with another human being – especially one from another planet. But it’s very, very important that we continue to work on it.

Why?  Because at the core of intimate relationships is the experience of being known and understood. When do we stop listening how can we know each other? When relationships fail they fail primarily in this area – we just stop trying and end up making our partner into the one-dimensional image of themselves.

Yes, it’s hard to listen for understanding rather than listen to respond. Yes, it is difficult to put aside our prejudgments and our comfortable stereotypes. Real relationships require it.

So slow down and get your priorities right. Make understanding your highest priority – honestly, there’s nothing more important in the universe at that moment than that person who is standing in front of you. Let go of your judgments and discover the wonder of discovering your partner’s inner life.

This is where real relationships are formed, cultivated and maintained. 

Untying The "Nots"

Having Trouble Moving Forward, Or

  • Overcoming persistent procrastination?
  • Getting  out of the daily funk of feeling like a failure?
  • Breaking out of unfulfilling relationships?

Maybe you have tied yourself up with too many "Nots"

Well, let me ask you a question - Have you ever found yourself talking to yourself using self-limiting words like …

  • I’m not smart
  • I’m not attractive
  • I’m not one of the lucky ones

That’s what I call tying ourselves up in “nots”. These nots are incredibly strong. They keep us bound to a small unfulfilling life that leaves us feeling frustrated, unsuccessful and often hopelessly depressed.

These nots may have been originally tied by someone early in our lives like a parent, teacher or another powerful figure but each time we tell ourselves another “not” we cinch it tighter and tighter until we can’t move.

The most important thing we need to know is that we can also untie the nots in our life. Yes, you and I have the ability to replace the nots with a “what if” or a “why not”. Nots are not unraveled overnight or through reciting some positive affirmation. They must be pulled apart strand by strand until the not becomes a can and the limitless possibilities of your life open up to you like a beautiful story.

I know … it sounds like a fantasy but fairy tales do come true and people are finding freedom from their nots every day, and so can you!

You can start this journey by beginning to hack away at those nots in your life when you catch yourself pulling the rope tighter. Try this:

Stop – Yeah that’s right just stop telling yourself the same crap you’ve told yourself all your life.

Think – What do you want to be true of your life? What do you want to be your new reality?

Replace – Make that the content of the new things you say to yourself.

Okay, I know it’s not that easy but this is a start and everyone has to start somewhere. My life is dedicated to helping you (and me) untie the nots in our lives and to live the life we were meant to live. So If I can help let me know.

Meanwhile, hang out on our new Facebook Page “Get Real - Relationships” for more stuff about living without nots.

Love you!

7 Ways To Generate More Leads in Your Business

Take Control of Your Success

    No matter what business you are in, you need prospects. You need people to market to, in the hopes of turning those leads into customers. Businesses both online and off can benefit from the following 7 you ways to generate more leads to fill your sales funnel, build your email list and hopefully turn into cash-paying customers.

1 – Start a Podcast

It seems everyone has a blog, but few marketers have podcasts. Video and audio podcasts can engage your audience much better than a text-based approach.

2 – Have Twitter Do the Work for You

FollowerWonk.com helps you analyze the behavior of your followers on Twitter. You can also find industry influencers and connect with them, find out what time your followers are the most active on Twitter, and reach the people that are interested in your niche.

3 – Publish Information Frequently and Regularly

Imagine these two scenarios. You have 2 almost identical websites offering similar products and services. It looks like either site can help with your situation. One website publishes an informative blog post, videos and a podcasting episode every week. The second site rarely updates its content. Which one will you do business with?

Adding information to your blog or website frequently, and on a regular schedule, improves your chances of connecting with your audience.

3 – Harness the Power of Information Databases

Data.com is just one of many websites where you can find potential leads for your business. You have access to company contact information and other relevant data which allows you to target exactly the businesses and individuals who are the perfect prospects for what you are offering.

4 – Develop a Presence on LinkedIn

LinkedIn has hundreds of millions of regular users. It is a professional version of social media sites like Facebook or Pinterest, offering several ways to publish material that you can use to drive serious business professionals back to a landing page or lead generation funnel.

5 – Answer Questions on Q & A Sites

People online flock to websites like Quora, Yahoo Answers and WikiAnswers to ask questions about any and all topics. This is a way to prove yourself as an informed leader in your field. The search engines on these sites allow you to target a particular question or topic, and when people see your answers, you can lead them back to your website.

6 – Record Helpful Videos

There are dozens upon dozens of video sharing sites that attract millions of frequent users. YouTube and Vimeo are just two of the many web properties where you can host videos where you solve real problems in the lives of your prospects. Video "connects" with your target market much better than text-based content.

7 – Host a Contest

Contest-hosting sites such as RaffleCopter, WooBox and PageModo help you run a simple contest on social media sites. When people think they have a chance to win a valuable prize, they will sign up to your email list or newsletter. A veteran strategy here is to offer consolation prizes to everyone who does not win a main prize.

 

If you are interested in learning more about how to promote your business please reach out to us at Total Wellness Resource Center and ask for one of our Executive Coaches.  We love helping people find their sweet spot of success.

 

What is Get Real - Relationships?

It is an honest, unvarnished roughhewn look at how to live with each other honestly, openly and with the best hope of giving and receiving love.

This is not easy when we live in a culture that seems hell-bent on setting the relationship bar so high that we come crashing down to earth when we miss it.

So I want to interject some reality into our romantic mass delusion because the truer our expectations conform to what is real the more prepared we will be to live our best relationship possible. So here are some truth bombs …

  • You’re going to argue.
  •  Learn to love the imperfect in your spouse (because they need to do it with you)
  • Your parents didn’t teach you everything you needed to know about healthy relationships.
  • You’re going to feel lonely at times, even in the best relationship.
  • If you want a better partner, start by looking in the mirror.
  • Those who find “true love” had to fight or it.
  •  Relationships are the truest, fastest and most thorough way to build character.
  • It won’t get any better until you decide to become better.
  • Your hang-ups will affect your relationships, so work on them.

Believe me, I’ve got more so stay tuned!

It may sound like I’m a pessimist about relationships – I’m not. I believe that there is intense joy and satisfaction found when we connect on our deepest level with another human being. In fact, I’ve dedicated my life to helping people connect to God, themselves and others. But I’ve seen fantasy thinking sabotage what could be a beautiful life. 

So Get Real - Relationships is where I’m going to put my ramblings.

Get Real - Relationships is an online Facebook community focusing on honest, loving and mutually nurturing relationships and how to get them, build them and sustain them. It’s a place for you to ask questions, ponder new concepts and gain insight from those who are looking for real relationships – just like you.

One more thing – I am one of those who would rather not look at the truth in my own life so I’m going to be brutally honest by saying I am still in process - one step ahead of the hounds with their hot breath breathing down my neck.  I write upon my heart first before I share anything with you.  So it will be messy, just like real relationships.

Let’s get at it – I want to invite you to join the community of those who are willing to roll up their sleeves and make Real Relationship happen in their own lives. If you’re ready, say Jump!

Jump!